God has really convicted me about some things recently, throughout these past couple of weeks in particular. By writing this, I’m hoping I can share with you what He has been teaching me, because man, is my heart wrecked.
Along with the start of the school year comes new opportunities for events and retreats and ways to get involved at school, in the community, and at church. There are so many options to fill a free minute, and it’s impossible to do it all! (Trust me, I thought about it.) As I thought about what I could spend my *precious* spare time doing, I started looking at each organization or event and asking myself some pretty selfish questions, like: What’s in it for me? How would I benefit from going to this event? Are any of my friends going to this? Is it going to be fun, or even worth going to? Without giving any of these organizations a chance, I based my attendance on what I would be gaining from showing up. I know, I know, it was an absolutely ridiculous way to narrow down the list, but that’s where I was at. My schedule was picking up, my minutes were filled, and I was happy with just trekking through each day. It wasn’t until God snapped me out of my study daze and showed me that this was no way to live.
Someone once told me that if Satan can’t make you bad he’ll make you busy, and I was the busiest. My life had become a list I was content checking at the end of the day. Class – check. Food – check. Homework – check. Study – check. Every so often would I make time or room on the list for genuine, quality time with Jesus OUTSIDE of church and chapel. Uncheck. I need that time with the Lord like I need air, and quite frankly, I was suffocating my soul. I was fully aware of it too, but I played it off and told myself “God would understand”. I would constantly remind myself that He wants me to be a good student, which he does because we’re called to do everything “as for the Lord and not for men…” (Col. 3:23), but definitely not at the expense of our time together. If my relationship with God was a true priority in my life like I proclaimed it was, my schedule and mentality needed to change.
It’s not easy, let me tell you. Especially after studying until the early hours of the morning, waking up earlier than needed does not sound appealing. I had to change my whole demeanor, and remind myself that this time WAS needed. It’s essential to my daily routine now, and not even sleep is more deserving of that time. Almost as if someone had turned a light on, I could see a change in myself immediately. I share this not so that I seem like a better person, but because I feel like I am more able and equipped and ready to be used by the Lord, and truly be a Kingdom impactor. Carving out that time seems mundane and maybe even boring, but can make a world of difference, both figuratively and literally.